"Never underestimate."

Honestly, why do you need to pull somethin stupid like this? You act
like you're the only one goin through it. I mean has it not occured to
you that pops has been through enough and you want to do this? I thought
you were fuckin smarter than that. You were raised better than that. I
practically raised you. It was you and I from day one. We saw shit we
weren't supposed to see, we saw our parents fight over us, we went
through it all. I know growin up we fought like crazy, but what the hell
we're siblings. And I know I don't say it and never show it, but I do
fuckin love you. But like forreal, after everything ma's bitchfriend did
to us you're just going to let that go and live there? You used to be so
against that nigga. Now you're buddy buddy? You're going to cause so
much drama over the next year. 2010 is supposed to be a new start for
everyone. Pops fought and gave up everything for us. If he hadn't done
that we wouldn't be in a safe enviorment. Don't get me wrong I love ma
with all my heart, but her way of life isn't safe for you or her. She's
fuckin playin with fire and risking her relationships with her kids just
stayin with that low life. You're her baby boy though little nigga, slap
some sense into her. Out of all of us she'll listen to you. Yeah makin
this decision will allow you to hang with friends and go to a school you
actually want to go to, but it isn't going to provide stability in your
life. But ask yourself this, is it really worth it? Your friends will
always be there no matter what. Don't make this about friends, or not
bein able to go out. You can't run away from every little problem. You
have to deal with it. I went through the same thing and still am goin
through it. I can't stand livin here because of chewy either, but I deal
with it. You can deal with it too. All I'm sayin is you're makin the
biggest mistake of your life, and trust me you'll catch me somewhere
down the road over winter break bringing your ass back home. Count on
that. I'm not lettin you do this shit, you got me so fucked up.
--Ashley

Day 12: "Franken-baaaaaaaaains"

Well since Natalie told me about how to blog on your phone, I might as
well do one. I'm up anyways. Where to start off? Well, this morning I
woke up at 10:15 and got ready for school. Then I had "complications"
trying to eat and get ready before school. But I finally ate and what
not so I left. When I got to school I met up with hairy Jerry and Ronel
and some other guy who went to Rod. Just talked about how schools been
and what we've been up to lately. Apparently, I look like a mean girl
because of the way my eyebrows are. Hah WOW. But after that I went to
class. It was nice seeing Jerry though. I miss that guy. That slut. Hah
he really is. English class was exceedingly boring today. We watched
another movie about the Rwanda genocide. I hate watching those kind of
things. Even though it's really interesting, it's kind of depressing.
Everyone around the world sat there when they could of helped prevent
the mass murder of more than 800,000 Rwandan Tutsis. But yeah that's
another topic in itself. After english I went home to get ready for my
PE class. I didn't feel like going today but I forced myself because I
need to get myself into shape. Then after PE I went to target to see if
they had puff paint? Some type of paint Andie was telling me about so I
can paint stripes on my halloween shirt. Target didn't have it though so
I'm going to check walmart sometime tomorrow. I went home after that
fail, and studied/reviewed for my math test tomorrow. I'm not really
ready for it. I know I can pass it, I just have to try and not psych
myself out. Okay well lately I've been thinking about dying. Well I
think about dying ehhh around the time when I shower, drive somewhere or
lay in bed. But the past few days I've been thinking about it more than
I should. And it's not because of my period trust me. Questions like:
"what would happen if I died right now?", or "what would change?" are
just a couple of them. I'm not afraid of if there is going to be change
if I died, but I'm afraid of not being remembered. I don't know, that's
just me. Man I'm so tired of the same things. That was random. Ha yipes.
Other things shall not be said on here for privacy and personal reasons.
Maybe if I'm irritated enough I'll flash on a blog. Hah can you see that
happen? Damn. Well I'm going to go, I have nothing else to share right
now. Goodnight, peace ya beast.
--Ashley

Puffy puff puffer puffs.
--Ashley

Day 11: I'm an "adult" now

So it was my birthday a couple days ago. I turned 18. Holler. It was a chill day. Natalie came out and just hung out for the day. The plan was to not go to my first class and then go to my second one. But, that didn't really work out. Ha. I don't feel any different though. Guess it's normal. Wow I had so much stuff to blog about the other night, now I can't remember or think of a thing to say. I guess I can talk about the warriors game I went to with my sister and Maurice. The tickets were a dollar. It was a special promotion or something. But the warriors played the New Orleans hornets. They're from Louisiana. Not Georgia. Hahah wow. The first quarter they were doing pretty bad, but ended up winning the game! It was 126 to 96? 92? But they won by a triple digit. That's all that counts. Oh, and that babydaddy played. Haha He has to work on his point guard skills though. He got the ball stripped twice. I mean c'mon, you can't be doing that in the NBA. It's preseason so he has a lot of time to work on his skills. Right after the game we went to drop of Maurice's friend Bj then went home. Well before that we went to look for food. Everything was closed and wingstop was the only place that was open until 12. We got there 15 minutes before the place closed so it was all gravy. Maurice told us that the cop in the car next to us was talking to some girl and he was spittin lines and what not. He said, "you be thinkin bout sex girl I be thinkin bout checks girl." And for some reason Maurice thought it was the funniest shit. Fagget. Hahaha just kidding. They're probably read this then the next time I see them I'll get tackled down the stairs or something. OH THE JOY! But it's 3 in the morning and i can't sleep. I'm thirsty. School has been pretty good. Nothing really to complain about, but to remember that I need to study for my math test on wednesday. I forgot to bring my book but I'll study when i go back to my dads. The last test I got a B- so I'm hoping for an A-. Cause the material we're going over is easy, it's just a lot of work and a lot of memorizing how to do a certain problem. I wonder what Papa would say if he was still alive. I wonder if he'd still be waking up at 6 just to run on the treadmill blasting his spanish music. Haha good times. I miss him. But, next topic. Haha sorry Papa. Oh yeah, I got my flushot. I hate shots. I know it's something I need so I'll get it, but when I actually get to the hospital and wait to get the shot, anticipation builds and I get all nervous. Freakin ridiculous. The lady who did me (that's what she said) was talking to me like I was some kid. It's like alright, just because everyone else in the line, except for Natalie, are adults doesn't mean you have to talk to me like I'm a kid. C'mon. Well she was an old asian lady so yeah. But still. I'm tired of being seen or looked at as the little kid. I honestly hate it. It's whatever though. I just want to move out already. I'm not saying that by me moving out should show people I'm an adult now, but just so I can get away and just come back as a different person. I don't know if that made any sense what so ever. I can't believe the first semester of college is almost over. What the heck? It just started not too long ago. It's a good feeling to know that my first semester in college I did better than what I expected myself to do. I knew I was going to do good, but not THIS good. Ha. But I need to work on my math and make up a couple classes for my kickboxing class. Two mile run for each make up. I can't wait for it. Ugh. But she said it's not timed, she just wants us to get it done. Shoot. I haven't ran a mile and got a good time on it since freshman year with Natalie. And that was only because of Natalie. Haha holy. Fastest mile I ever ran in my life. Halloween is coming up in less than a week. Is that right? That should be right. But I'm not going to be piglet anymore. I'm just going to throw something together. And hope for the best. Ha. That'll suck in the end. Oh well. So, lately right, I've been feeling so weird about everything and everyone. I don't know how to explain it, and I don't really want to say it on here. But yeah, that's just me. I'm just waiting. Waiting for what? Ahh, that's for me to know. It's 4 already? Holy crap. Well this is my nonsense entry. I'll write something a little more meaningful next time. Peace easy player.

Oh the joy!

I miss you! Yeah you. You two. Yeah, yous.
Im a sap.

Day 10: Can't sleep

So I just got done studying for my midterm, and my math test. I've been at it since 3 in the afternoon. I just really want to do hella good on 'em. Especially my math test. I think I have a C in that class? But because i forgot about my gay online thing i probably have a C-/D. So, ima step it up. I do so well on my homework, but when it comes to tests or quizzes I freak out and over think the problems. Then in result i get a C. I know I can do better. And I will. My english midterm im not so worried about. I think it'll be pretty easy, but it'll just be hella long. And if we dont finish it in an hour and 15 minutes, we owe him hella make up work. And I'am not doing that. Haha. I used to hate math because I never understood it, but now I'm loving it. I get it and it's hella easy to learn. Even though I do bad on my quizzes.. But regardless of that, I like it. Freakin highschool is so useless! Haha. I'm lovin college. I used to be so scared but now it's like everyone is doing their own thing so you're not the only one thats scared, feel me? It's cool learning about other peoples interests and what they want to be. This guy Antoine, he's in my kickboxing class and he's from another country. So that makes him my eye candy. HAHAHAHA too bad he's in his 20's though. There are HELLA students from different countries that go to dvc. It's crazy. Most of them are Asian. So many haha. Oh okay, so the other day I hung out with Natalie & Josephine at the mall and just basically had a chill day. Tell me why we saw these filipino boys about to fight each other.. scratch that, PRETENDING they were going to fight each other. And the embarressing part was that they were yelling at each other in tagalog! Really though? Why? Haha is it really THAT necessary to do something like that? So there's about 17 days until my birthday. It's pretty exciting. Big 18. I don't even know what I want to do for my birthday. Well, my family will probably have a get together and eat dinner and just hang out. The usual. But kickin it with friends? I don't know what to do. I have a boring personality and they'd probably get bored if i decided to do something. I've always wanted to go paintballing, but who has money for that? And who has medical insurance for that? Hahaha ahhhh. One day I'll go. I don't want to watch a movie because that'd be too boring. And if we went to a drive-in it'd probably be too cold and windy. I don't want to eat dinner because that'd be extra boring too. No surprise parties please. I hate surprise parties. Haha forreal though. You're the center of attention the whole time, and I don't like to be the center of attention. Then you get all hot and embarressed. Shooooot. I mean I want to do something but at the same time I don't since it's just one birthday. But it's my 18th so people say I have to. Hahah what the. I wrote a long blog on my sidekick so i could post it up on here but tmobile is being gay with the internet service so it's too late now! I seriously poured my heart out... to my phone.. Haha it felt good to just let it all out. I was just talking about something in particular. Once the service is back up I'll post it. You know what I don't get? Why do I have these dreams with that person in it, when that person doesn't like me? And for that person to act the total opposite in my dream is just irritating. It's like why? What is the purpose of you being in my dream in the first place? I wish they had a portable dream interpreter. So that way, every day I wake up I could figure out what my dreams mean so it could give me a little bit of piece of mind throughout the day. Who knows. Blah blah blah. Next week after my math test..or before?... I'm going to go to the transfer center and see if i could fill out any applications to San Diego state early. When I finally get the acceptance letter to San Diego state, im going to be so juiced you don't even understand. You like how i said "when", instead of "if"? Because I already know I made it. The school just doesn't know that yet. Hahah. Oh! I found a really nice leather jacket. Well, Josephine found it, then Natalie said to "try it on". Haha and it worked out. I didn't know they were giving discounts to students shooot. I'm going to ask every store at the mall from now on everytime I buy something if they give discounts to students. Haha it's smart. I got 10% off that jacket. Man, I love those two knuckle heads. As much as they irritate the hell out of me, and as much as I want to just be rude and tell them to shut up sometimes, I can't and don't. Cause at the same time they keep me content. Which is weird. Haha. And if I do act rude or tell them to shut up or whatever, I wish I could mean it but deep down I never honestly do. That sounds so bad... Hahah it's hard to explain. I'm not sayin I say rude things to them and don't mean it just because I can. When I'm heated like I want to say something but I'd regret it in the end, so I end up saying something else I don't mean or do too much so I can just keep my mind off of that other thing. Wait what?! It's confusing. Haha Well, It's getting kind of late. And I think we're going to church tomorrow? So goodnight blog blog! Peace out.

Day 9: Bored & just because

I have no idea why I've been sleeping late lately. My dad thinks I'm becoming anemic? I think that's how you spell it? But yeah he came to the conclusion that I'm anemic bc my lips are white and I haven't been sleeping. No pops its because my lips are chapped! Haha. But I haven't really been getting sleep. I mean yeah I sleep in because class doesn't start till 2 everyday, but that isn't enough. I've been constantly working on school work all week. I just finished my math homework and the homework I forgot to do, did 10 pages of my english workbook (there's still 20 more), I read half of my reading assignment, typed up part of my essay, and read 3 chapters from my child development book just today. I'm a hard worker man. Haha It's a good thing I did all of that. It just means less work next week. Tomorrow (or today) is Bj's 17th birthday. I look up to him so much. Even though I'm a year older. Well technically I'm "only 11 months older". Haha he won't let that go. And he gets hella defensive, I tell ya. But he's going places that's for sure. Everyone's coming here to the house for a family get together to celebrate my dad's and Bj's birthday. And then have a bible study. It's going to be packed here. I hope there's enough room. Shooot. But on Monday it's my dad's real birthday. He'll be 49! What in the world do you get a 49 year old? Ohp! Something 49er-y? Get it? He'll be 49, his favorite football team are the 49ers. I'll look for something football, clothes, or something that has to do with the beatles. Plus I'm bout to get Bj's present too. Heritage! Holler. Haha Oh, a few nights ago I decided to "rap" or at least try. I wrote two. Because I was that bored and I was that awake. Haha it was pretty late too. But here's one of em:

Breathe....
It's what you tell yourself everytime you're scared.
And you try to do it on the low like no one's there... watching you.
Each time you try it just gets worse,
And it almost feels like your hears 'bout to burst.
And everytime you find yourself in this sort of curse,
You search for relief and hope to tear...
Away from it.
You're falling uncontrollably.
In the back of your mind no one's there,
Because the person you're searching for is right here...
In the very spot that you find yourself standing.
Sweaty palms, blood rising, nervously shaking..
You take a deep breath and you've conquered the landing.

It's corny. And retarded. But WHATEVA in your face okay? Ha. I think it's tight. Then again I'm the one who wrote it. Haha so next semester I'm planning on taking at least 17 units. More or so. Because my dumbself counted the units wrong this semester so I'm only taking 11 units. So I have to step it up a notch to keep on the right track if I want to transfer. And transferring to San Diego state is my goal. I know I can do it. And I know it'll be a lot of hard work, but in the end it'll be worth it. Not just for me, but for my family to see. Ooooooooooo that's another line in the making for another "rap". Haha this past month in school has changed my way of thinking tremendously. You have no idea. I'm finally starting to feel the change in me. The change that's for the better. I'm learning who to let go and who to keep (as in trust). And technically I honestly can trust 1 to 2 people (outside my family of course). More so of 1. Il est ridiculé! I think that's how you spell ridiculous in french? But back to what I was saying. I'm not worrying about whether or not I made right or wrong decisions in my past anymore. I'm looking to the future and what it has in store. I'm gettin mines and no one can stop me! Haha I've taken up a different type of responsibility that I can no longer blame on anyone else but myself if anything goes wrong. (I've done it before but this time its hella different) I'm changing and I love it. I remember being 7 and wondering what I'd be like when I was in highschool and how it'd be. Who'd I hang out with and whether or not I'd be on the basketball team. Haha I made it through highschool, I made the basketball team, and learned what I'd be like. And look at me, I'm in college now. I wonder how my family sees me. Whether they still see a little tomboy or something. I've grown out of that phase player, THANK YOU check please! Haha I'm setting my foundation and I'll be building my future one step at a time. Man! It's amazing. Well after tomorrows bible study/family celebration thing I'm going to drive out to Grace's again to babysit Makayla. I don't want her to grow up. She's cute the way she is. Haha like forreal, it'll be weird seeing her at 10, 13, 16, then 18. Ahhh I'll be 31 when she's 18!! What the heck?!? That's freakin mind boggling to be thinking about. Haha well I better get some sleep before I become "anemic" -_- peace my geese.

P.S.
Dove silky milk chocolate is the best. I love me some of them!

Day 8: Holy moles!

Today is Friday September 18th. I'm at Grace's house to help out and whateva. I gotta drop off 'Kayla to school then pick her up around 230. I hope it's 230, eeeek haha. I'll just do homework or something while I wait for her to get off. It's been too hot lately, what the freak. It needs to be fall already. Haha I used to love the heat but now it's getting to me. I'm starting to like the cloudy breezy weather. But, I have an english essay due october 1st and I haven't started it yet. It's an easy prompt but It's always hard for me to start an essay without a guide thing. Like in highschool. Yeah yeah I know, I'm not in highschool anymore. Boo you! I'm just sayin.. Ha. I'll start on it this weekend. Ever since I've been taking that kickboxing class, I've been eating nonstop. My metabolism is going crazy again. I loooove it haha. I used to weight 120 but I weigh like 118 now. Yay lost 2 lbs. Haha I'm not actually not worried whether or not I lose weight. Just as long as I stay in the 120 range. Then I'm good. Well I'll write more later, I'm gonna eat cause my stomach keeps yelling haaaaaa. Peace out suck face.

Day 7: I'm a blogger

Im at my cousins house in Cordelia, and all we're doing is playing old ass board games. We played dont wake daddy, topple, and jenga. Hella old. It's so weird. We basically grew up here trying to build tents out of chairs and blankets. And now we can hardly fit ourselves in one tent. Haha everytime we all got together before we went to bed someone asked, "hey you want to make a tent?" And we did. And every morning we'd wake up to a blanket draped over us and someones foot in our faces. Time flies too fast. Atchie told me the biggest change she saw in me was when we went on my second cruise. During the formal dinner. And i took them for a little drive earlier and my Tito Jay was all smiley and proud. Haha Well these monkeys went to sleep kind of early so I'm just going to do this and sleep after. Peace to the midde east ca-peeche?


10 Things You Wish You Could Say to 10 Different People Right Now:
1. You're being stupid and going back to square one. You need to start realizing these things sooner because it's beginning to have a huge effect on me. And i miss you.
2. I wish you can see how much i need you in my life. And how much I would love to see you everyday and just how much i hate him. I pray that one day you'd realize that we've been right all along.
3. Thanks for putting up with me this long. I'm very grateful to have someone as understanding as you in my life. And I don't plan on goin anywhere playeeerrr holler. haha and I miss you.
4. I'm very proud of you and even though I can't actually help with your problems, I'll always be here to lend a hand because I love you and I look up to you like no otha.
5. You are annoying and I hope you fall and break your ugly face.
6. You're too cute.
7. I'm going to be different and I'm going to show you. So please just trust me.
8. I'm blogging... LIKE A BOSS! haha
9. Lady, you need to be more chill !
10. Everything I do, is for you.

9 Things People May Not Know About You:
1. I'm ambidextrous.
2. I broke my ring toe by tripping over my own foot and hitting a wall.
3. I would rather work on a car than go shopping.
4. I used to collect comic books.
5. I absolutely can't stand cats or birds.
6. I used to live in Virginia.
7. I split my lip when I was little.
8. I have three moles on my right foot.
9. I've been to four different elementary schools in 2 years while growing up.

8 Ways To Win Your Heart:
1. Be intelligent.
2. Fit..shooot haha.
3. Independent.
4. Keep me laughing.
5. Family oriented.
6. Have your head on straight.
7. Unique.
8. Just don't be a bitch. haha

7 Things That Cross Your Mind A Lot:
1. I wonder if they miss me?
2. Why do good people make bad decisions?
3. Where will I be in six years?
4. When will our president start to actually make a change?
5. I hope I get accepted into SDSU.
6. What would happen if i died?

6 Things You Do Before You Fall Asleep (not in order):
1. Be on my phone.
2. Check what time it is.
3. Brush my teeth
4. Listen to music.
5. Wash my face.
6. Read.

5 Characteristics You Value:
1. Trust.
2. Honesty.
3. Owning up to things.
4. Wisdom.
5. Seeing the good in bad.

4 Songs to Describe Your Life:
1. Confused by Tevin Campbell
2. Family business by Kanye West
3. Dont' change by Musiq Soulchild
4. Holla if ya need me by Trey Songz

3 Things You Wish You Never Did:
1. Lie.
2. Pretend.
3. Wonder.

2 Things You Want to Do Before You Die:
1. Travel around the world and leave little things behind for my family to find, like a treasure hunt.
2. Sing and play guitar in front of a big crowd.

1 Confession:
1. I've always saw myself as an ugly duckling.

Alright well that last one isn't really a confession? I just didn't know what to put. But I do think that. Haha It's almost 3 in the morning and I have to wake up at 7. So peace easy baby !

Day 6: Blah blah blah

Well it's been a while since i wrote in here. I haven't had the time to with school and everything else. But college is cooool. I was hella nervous the first day of school. Knees & hands shakin, palms sweatin, and all. But I got over it. Natalie and Carl came to visit my first day which helped with being nervous. And everything afte that has been great so far. Umm, my kickboxing class is hella tight though. My knuckles are kind of fucked up though. Haha but it's cool because I sweat my ass off and I'm getting fit. Yee hee. I'm starting to drive my car now. Which is nice. I'm going to cut my hair today. Not too short though. Hopefully I know what i want when I get to the hair place. And hopefully it comes out right. Haha fudge muffins. I'm most likely going to not like it the first couple of days. We shall see, ya feel me? Hmmm what else do I need to say? Blah blah blah blah blaaaah. Ha alright I'll write more next time. Peace easy lemon squeezy, YUUUUUUUUUUUUP! Oh yeah Trey Songz's cd goes. I love it. Ha okay peaaaceee.

Day 5: Just don't even know

Where do I start with all of this? You know, it's ridiculous to be trying to keep doing this. I feel like I'm trying to keep it together. I'm not about to complain, or whine. Or some stupid shit. Nothing feels the same anymore. I don't know what to do. I've said what I needed to say already. Ugh, this is retarded. I feel stupid just talking to myself on here. I'm scared to just let it be and go on with school. Because if I do, I'll feel like we won't talk to each other anymore. Yeah we'll be busy, but still. How can you be on that "whatever happens, happens" type hype? It's just disappointing to me. It's like no one cares anymore. Retarded. Whatever, I can't be stressing over this a week before school starts. I'll try to let it go. But if I bring it up I'll probably automatically get responses like, " well you should of said something". Oh well, I don't want to feel or say shit like that. But whatever happens, happens right? I'm going to bed, or at least try. Peace doodle noodles.

Day 4: Jitters

There's about 2 weeks of summer vacation left until school starts. Not school, but COLLEGE. I've been hella excited for it to start, but now I'm gettin last minute jitters. I don't know. I'm having mixed feelings haha. I want to go but at the same time I'm freakin out inside of my mind. It's now hitting me that i just graduated. It's hella crazy. I see things in stores or anything around me and it just reminds me of something that happened in highschool. Like a box of chicken in a biskit.. haha I laugh EVERYTIME I see it. It just holds so much memories. And there's basketball, pencils, fruit snacks, ZIP TIES, haha and hella other more. I'm growin up and I just can't believe how time flies. I remember sitting in a computer class in elementary school practicing my computer skills. And now I'm about to take the first baby steps into my career. I don't know. Just thought I'd share this brief moment since I haven't wrote in here for a while. Oh, I finally got my car! YEE! It's quite lovely.. Haha. The engine is so bad. Bad in a good way. I love the sound of it. Look it up. It's hella sexy. Bj recently got his license and car. We're both licensed and have cars... Yay! The thing I don't get though is that, Bj gets to go anywhere he wants now since he has a car. And for me? I only get to go to places like school and home. It's hella ridiculous. Just because he's... Blaaaah. Whatever. It's okay, I love him.. It's okay. But I'm going to enjoy my box of chicken in a biskit (: and watch some discovery channel.. It's shark week!! Haha alright goodnight, peace ouuuut.

Day 3: Family flicks

Everyone's sleeping and i'm just listening to music and watching old family videos. Haha I love my family. There are times where I just want to choke someone out in my family, but I mean who hasn't felt like that? Haha I mean c'mon, you can't honestly tell me your family is "perfect". There is no such thing as a perfect family, that's what makes each family different from one another. Flaws and all. My family is just too damn unique, gotta love it. Here are a few flicks of me and some family.

Uncle Raymond conquers his fear.

Bust a move Jireh

My dare.

-_- I see you Uncle Raymond

Baby Makayla.

Alright, well there are hella more but i don't want to put em up. Most are embarrassing ones so yeah. But enough talk about that.

Tomorrow I'm supposed to go to the water park in antioch with Natalie, Makayla, supposedly Carl & Deillen. We'll see though. It'll

be fun though because I haven't been there since Grace's 19th birthday. Hella long time ago. Oh i got contacts on Monday, and saw

my car over the weekend. I'll post up some pictures when i get the chance. I love it. It's a 2002 volvo s60. It's like a aqua green?

And it's like $50 to fill up the tank.. THANKS pops. Haha Damn, I forgot to grab Makayla's booster seat out of Maurice's car. Well

I'll write more some other time. Peace to your momma the beast.

Day 2: Grace's birthday/ Tattoo day

Today is Grace's 22nd birthday! Happy birthday to you Greese. I love you forever! She really deserves everything life can give, and more. She's been through a lot and I admire her for pushin through it. Not only is today her birthday, but i got my tattoo. It's my last name in alibata. It's basically two symbols, but those two symbols mean hella to me. The pain was.. different? Haha but as I sat there, the pain was basically a metaphor to what my family has been through and the name and ancient writing represents where i came from. And that family is always first, no matter how bad you have it. It just sucks because I wont be able to share it with my dad or anyone on that side of my family because I'll get yelled at or they'll judge me and tell me im going "against God". They'll eventually find out... Hopefully on my wedding day. Haha hella bad huh? I just don't want hella people to know, ya know? I didn't get it for show. So I'm going to keep it on the down low. Lately, I've been feeling... by myself? As emotional, and stupid as it sounds, I actually like it. It's teaching me to depend more on myself than anyone else. I guess it's like a good thing I don't see them as much. So when we actually hang out again, it'll be like a little reunion. I guess? Ha. I'm just going to start naming my blog posts by day number. I'm at my sister's house by myself.. She went to the club with her friends. Maurice and Makayla went to San Jose to see his family and to say bye to his cousin from Canada. So I got the pad to myself. I feel hella different. I dont know why? It's for the better though. I believe so. Well, I'm going to watch some tv and debate whether or not I should order pizza.. Haha. Peace easy lemon squeezy.

Day 1: First Entry

Well, it's almost 2 in the morning and i decided to make my own blog. Hollerrrr. I've been putting it off for a while, and i was up soo i told myself, "oh what the heck". Everyone's sleeping, and im hungry. Haha great. Today Maurice&Grace's friend Justin helped me map out my classes for the next 2-3 semesters. It's actually hella logical. Im really happy he helped me with it. Now i don't have to worry about what classes to take next semester like i did for this fall semester. I'm planning on getting a job after a month or so after I get used to college. This'll help show my Dad I'm even more independent to pay off my student fees. Cause I know how hard it must be for him to just dish out money whenever I need something for school. Well, I'll write some other time. I'm trying to sleep early so I can get used to it before school starts. Goodnight.