When enough is enough...

Let's just get into it. How many times does it take a person to get hurt to realize they're being stupid? For me, this is number three. Three times of the same thing. Three times of the same bullshit. Three times as stupid as the first time it happened. What's even worse, is that I love him. I've never been in love before, so this is a scary feeling. But at the same time it can be a beautiful feeling. The fucked up thing about love is that sometimes a person can't help if they fall in love with someone. For example, my situation. Love can turn you into a psycho in .3 seconds. But when someone is hurt over something like love... How can that person trust that word, or feel that word again? What if we're destined to truly, ever love one person? Then we're basically screwed right? Because what if that one person you fall in love with hasn't said they loved someone to somebody else before? And you're stuck in a situation where you think you can show that person what love is or at least make them feel the way they make you feel about them. You try everything, and do everything for that person because well let's face it, you love 'em. Am' I the only one who's going through it right now?!... You know what's twisted about my situation? It's that, no matter how many times he fucks me over, or hurts me by lying straight to my face... I'm always going to love him. And it just hurts to even say that because my pride is just telling me to suck it up and move on. But at the same time my pride wants lovin too. The only thing I have left is my heart. And my heart is telling me to stand my ground. What ground, heart? I'm in love. Doesn't that shit make you float like a cloud or something?? He seriously doesn't deserve love from anyone. A wife. A freaking child for that matter. But this isn't about badgering him. Because there are many wonderful and amazing things I could say about him. I'm lost and struggling to hold on to my roots. I'm loosing myself, not to him, but to this situation. I don't want to love another person. I don't want to feel this way about anyone else. Maybe it's karma?? What the fuck did I do in my past?! I guess that's it. My mind is too fucked up to figure this shit out. Until next time then...